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Sunday, October 19, 2008

Obama Is Cheating By Being Right About Everything

I am very happy with Colin Powell right now. (Two videos follow. If you are reading this post in an email, click through to my blog to watch the videos.)




I don't think anybody could have nailed it so perfectly as he did. Nothing was sacred. FINALLY somebody said, "What's wrong with being a Muslim?" on the dessicated and verbally flatulent MSM. Somebody is finally serious enough not to give three shits about how "hot" Sarah Palin is(n't). All these drooling teevee common-taters and fat wingnut radio pawns and redneck Palin supporters who hurl racial epithets at black cameramen and assault reporters, are yuckin' it up about her religious hotness, and we have two fucking wars going on and our country is in the final financial flush down the big bog toilet. Do we have time to talk about Sarah Palin's hotness? Or about a crusty old domestic terrorist named Ayers who's now a boring teacher? About a voter registration organization that has zippo zero to do with actual people showing up and committing voter fraud?

Fuck no. Fuckity fuck FUCK no.

It's time to get serious boys and girls. The General has spoken.

Now that I've said that...I want you to enjoy a laugh or two with the comedic blow-by-blow rendition of Brokaw's show with Powell, written by The Bobblespeak Translations. I love this guy. He told me he sits there during these shows with a beer and cigarette and just types away. If you look at his URL, it says Moonshine Patriot. I don't know how he does it as well as he does, but it's just peachy.

Enjoy!

***********************************************
MEET THE PRESS
October 19, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Guest: Colin Powell
***********************************************

Brokaw: America and the whole world are facing a nightmare of crises like we have never had before

Powell: yes it's almost as bad disco

Brokaw: indeed

Powell: we've got that crazy economy, wars all over the place, and we got to reach out to our friends like Pakistan and our enemies like Spain

Brokaw: daunting challenges!

Powell: we need an articulate guy

Brokaw: a novel idea

Powell: there's going to be a crisis on January 21st 2009

Brokaw: what is it!?

Powell: i can't tell you

Brokaw: wow!

Powell: we need a president that calms people down and that people like and trust

Brokaw: i smell an endorsement coming!!!

Powell: we need leadership with greening, energy, poverty, for needy people

Brokaw: you hate America, don't you?

Powell: I will endorse someone smart, ready, well-informed, patriotic, with good ideas-

Brokaw: spill the beans handsome

Powell: Ok - i know and like John McCain and I've met Barack Obama and I admire John McCain although the GOP is increasingly evil...

Brokaw: out with it buddy

Powell: okay i've given a test to them both and McCain has been ranting like a crazy person - he's an erratic possibly insane loony and frankly a jerk

Brokaw: but but but.....

Powell: Sarah Palin - i wouldn't hire to walk my dog without fucking it up

Brokaw: none of us would General - hell she shoots wolves

Powell: turns out Obama on the other hand is smart, inclusive, hopeful, reaching out, not dividing America

Brokaw: well there is that

Powell: then you have McCain, running a hateful, racist, evil, divisive, mean, nasty, dishonest, pathetic, shitty campaign

Brokaw: hey whatever works smoothie

Powell: Let's face it I didn't leave the GOP - the GOP left Planet Earth

Brokaw: but Obama might be a muslim

Powell: So what? So what if he were? How come no one ever says it's fucking racist and wrong to say a President can't be a Muslim???

Brokaw: they’re swarthy?

Powell: a 14 year old kid joined the army and died a hero under the Crescent and Star

Brokaw: maybe we can harness their fanaticism for our own ends

Powell: Obama is who we need NOW

Brokaw: but he has no experience!

Powell: he is a brilliant man, a snappy dresser, and a transformational figure, and a campaign genius

Brokaw: well you would say that - you are black

Powell: his race might help with the rest of the world

Brokaw: the world! Pheh!

Brokaw: will you beg Obama to please stay in Iraq?

Powell: hey if they Iraqis want us to leave we should leave

Brokaw: but it's been such a fun war to cover

Powell: Get over it Tom

Brokaw: Let's talk about William Ayers

Powell: [ smacks Brokaw ]

Brokaw: ow!

Powell: [ rolls eyes ]

Brokaw: Ayers is worst person in human history

Powell: i don't truck with no motherfuckin’ Weathermen and neither does Mister Obama

Brokaw: Lessons from Iraq?

Powell: Look I tried diplomacy but Bush was stupid and he was the President - in my defense the CIA lied to me

Brokaw: uh huh

Powell: Let's not argue about who lied about what - the real mistake was not killing more

Brokaw: true

Powell: we goofed - it's happens

Brokaw: Who care what you think then

Powell: Do you how many white people consider me their Black Friend?

Brokaw: no

Powell: Millions

Brokaw: You said Bush would be moderate and optimistic

Powell: Yes look at Liberia

Brokaw: [ head explodes ]

Powell: Tom your brains are all over my suit

Brokaw: sorry about that general

Powell: The Bush administration had a decent 5 minutes from 12:06 to 12:11 pm on Jan. 21 2001

Brokaw: Good times

Brokaw: Apologize to McCain!

Powell: We need a man younger than 100 years, a smart man, and reasonable man, a clever man, a sane man, a non-psycho-

Brokaw: okay you've made your point

Brokaw: you're black - do you think americans are racist?

Powell: yes

Brokaw: you're black - would you be Ambassador to Africa?

Powell: that's a continent Tom

Brokaw: Whatever

[ break ]

Brokaw: C-Todd gimme the polls

Todd: Ohio is an unmoved tie - but Obama has Wisconsin

Brokaw: hoh mai

Todd: Obama getting close in West Virginia

Brokaw: oh my gowd why

Todd: The economy - otherwise it's baffling

Brokaw: indeed

Todd: Obama's winning in Charlotte cause of banking and in Montana and the United States of Brokejaw

Tom: warble

Brokaw: can McCain win?

Todd: yes - if he can wheel people age 75 to 100 to the polls

Brokaw: can terry schiavo vote?

Todd: yes but she has endorsed Obama

Brokaw: Colin Powell - wow!

Scar: Obama is cheating by being right about everything

Tom: Florida?

Scar: Powell will help - he's a respected military dude

Brook: the Republican party left me and went into Ga Ga Land

Mitchell: I'm very worried about this - the GOP has become a hate filled looney party - a problem with centrist Republicans

Brokaw: both of them!?

Parson Meachem: this is like a Seal of Approval from Morgan Freeman playing God

Brokaw: how so?

Meachem: he's a stand alone brand he stands for 'Military Uprightness'

Brokaw: is that it?

Meachem: Understand that Powell has been America's Magic Negro for over a decade and a half

Scar: I want to warn the Obama campaign to focus on the states you must win - McCain closes strongly - forget N. Carolina and just take Florida and win this thing

Brokaw: what the fuck is wrong with John McCain Brooksie - what's his raisin detter?

Brooks: They made a decision not to run a likeable moderate maverick candidate and decided to run a hate-filled divisive mean campaign

Scar: now wait just a second - we all laugh at Sarah Palin now - but McCain will lose by less than he was in July

McCain: i hate President Bush!!!!

Crowd: Booooo Buuuuuuushhh!!!!

Obama: Buuuuuuuullshiiiit!!!

Mitchell: the fact is Obama is running a very sad nasty ad campign - on national television

Brokaw: what sleazy thing are they doing?

Mitchell: running a video of McCain talking in his own words

Brokaw: that's below the belt

Brokaw: this is not fair

Mitchell: indeed Obama is cheating by being popular

Tom: John Lewis said a mean thing

Parson Meachem: John Lewis is literally a Saint - They call him Bleeding Gums John

Brokaw: he gave his life for the cause of gingivitis

Meachem: McCain was likeable this week because he has conceded the election in his mind

Brokaw: Obama is going to win big with a Democratic Congress

Scar: this is a Republican country

Brokaw: it's bad news for liberals

Brooks: why have the liberals given us a huge debt and big spending!!!???

Brokaw: indeed those fucking liberals I already hate the failed Obama administration

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