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Sunday, May 25, 2008

How Freaking Embarrassing

What do American women who read romance novels fantasize about NOW? (I'm sure you're just dying to know.)

Arab men. Princes...and Sheikhs...to be exact. And these Prince-Sheikhs (because, you know, they all look the same to me) are all rich, and handsome, and sexy and dangerous.

Fuck me and the muscular and fleshy, undulating and cloven-hoofed, wet with hard-ridden sweat, white Arab stallion I rode in on.

Hat tip to the Angry Arab for sending me off on my incredulous and disgusted Intratubular search to see if there's a list of available titles. I wanted to guffaw at titles like Beauty and the Sheikh and The Sheikh's Revenge.

Instead, I found this interesting 2005 post over at 'Aqoul, where the author did a quickie statistical study on Sheikh-flavored romance titles and came up with this stunning graph:















Well, will you lookee there. Just as the twin towers were crumbling in 2001, white pasty American housewives began to guiltily fantasize about being "taken" by a thrusting, lusting Arab, but definitely NOT the unimportant minions flying those planes. No. These girls wanted the Guys In Charge. They blushingly desired the royalty - the guys living richly upon their own sandy soil - the ones who live in gorgeous silken tents and have very large organs hidden under their caftans. The arms dealers. The oil barons. Those dashing men-about-the-desert who have harems, of which these American women will become the lead dog...or, er, bitch. They imagined themselves to be something like Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. Well, maybe not.

Then, once again in 2003, as American troops "entered" Iraq to begin its really fast long-term occupation and domination and total destruction of that particular Middle Eastern paradise - those tough soldiers coupled with "embedded" corporate media - there was another "surge" in middle America, a Sheikh-down of sorts, of lathering bored and lonely wimmins rushing off to WalMart to pick up the latest Susan Mallery book written for 3rd-grade intellects and in large print, just in case.

Why OF COURSE these same wimmin voted for George Bush in 2004. They couldn't possibly let those damn libruhls put an end to their exotic, luscious, somewhat dirty in a brown-skinned-kind-of-way (oh, but my Prince is TAN, not COLORED!) fantasy now, could they?

I will join the 'Aqoul post author eerie, in saying to you all: Stop laughing, you cretins.

11 comments:

Betty said...

LOL I'll stop laughing when you stop being hilarious.

gregory said...

yeah, and the men want the ice-maiden type..

Richard said...

If you think back to the silent movie era and the sheik of Arabie, you'll find that this fascination may be generational, cyclical as well as counter intuitive.

You've uncovered a great conspiracy among republican females.

I would look to Laura Bush's library for confirmation.

Rich

Richard said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
OMYWORD! said...

Betty - I will continue to be hilarious if you will keep laughing. See how this works?

gregory - It's interesting that you say that because I was wondering if there are any men out there that buy romance novels. I mean, I just can't imagine that there are. I guess the Playboy letters to the editor could be considered romance? :-)

richard - yep, I think you're right about the cultural cycles. I think some women fantasize about being taken care of, while being ravaged at the same time. hehe "Oh look! You're naked honey! You must be cold. Let me cover you up..." and history was written.

Jennifer said...

Oh, so many double entendres. Wish I could think of a good one for this comment, but my brain is not cooperating. Thanks for the enlightenment!

Gypsy said...

stumbled once, and hooked. placed a link "never too late" at http://mtnasty.blogspot.com/

Karen ^..^ said...

Oh, how I love your posts!! This one was perfectly humorous, and very telling...

Funny, I never fantasized about an oil sheik. I always went for the pasty faced skinny guys, LOL.

But those pasty faced skinny guys are the BEST. Oh, my heaving bosoms!!

OMYWORD! said...

jennifer - No no! Thank YOU! I am pleased to enlighten you on such a "dark" issue. :-))

gypsy - linked ya. Thanks!

karen - Thanks so much! Pastyfaced skinny guys turn me on too. I have one sitting across from me now. Oh how I swoon. And, as my bosoms heave, I hope they feel better soon.

jOolian said...

....AGAHAHHahhahahaha...
i juz shizz'd a couscous camel sam'ich !!! Ohhhh...Ohhh.... i'll have to send you a link for an on-line-sandDune-date fest site ...
Hre:
http://www.shaadi.com/shaadi_info/matrimonial_success_stories/weddings/view.php?id=1192
...but wait, there's more:
http://www.shaadi.com/shaadi_info/matrimonial_success_stories/weddings/view.php?id=1116
...and if you Act Now, MORE:
http://www.shaadi.com/shaadi_info/matrimonial_success_stories/weddings/view.php?id=1154

...bodacious vizen ye'ooll always be !!! cheerio(s) & XOs ~julian

OMYWORD! said...

joolian - you are so damn FUNNY. couscous camel sandwich. holy, er, camel.

Those links are great. Look how happy they all are. You know, they sell those exotic chairs and outfits in a shop around the corner from me!