Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Don't Cry For Me, New Hampshire.

I'm not a fan of Hillary Clinton. I worry about her campaign being financed by the health industry, and the war industry and Rupert Murdoch. However, if my emotions were pulling the voting booth levers all by their fluffy little feminine selves (they can be so unruly), she'd be on her way back to the White House.

But Hillary's fucked. She can't win for losin'. Even if she should happen to win. Because she's a woman, and the good ol' boy bullshit never ends. I saw the press reports about her near-tears speech in New Hampshire and thought, "Oh boy, here we go." She'll catch shit for crying, and then she'll catch shit for not crying enough, or for crying too soon, or too late, or for crying in a [insert derisive adverb here, it doesn't matter which one you choose] way. The pundits will start discussing whether her tears were real or fake, whether she is giving up, whether she was really crying because she caught Bill boinking some fictitious campaign aide. They'll make shit up about her being angry about stupid things, or talk about what a witch she is when she gets angry about horrible stuff that deserves our anger, like, um, millions of displaced Iraqis, or having the money changers in the temple. That stuff...the stuff that inspires even a cheek-turning Messiah to upend all of the tables and crack a whip! (I wonder if Jesus' voice was "shrill?") The fundamentalist Christians will admire the righteousness of Jesus' conniption fit, while they warn the world about what happens when them wimmens get angry and, God forbid, become president. I mean, the fur could fly! And then, of course, the planet will explode. And who will be left to put dinner on the table?

There's a part of my voting arm just itching to reward Hillary for being a pioneer and taking all of the crap that comes with that job. I was a pioneer too, and have the scars to prove it. I know what it's like to be a woman in a man's world, and all the masks you have to wear to be successful. Was I "tough enough" to manage 20 employees, to "stand up" to the sales guys? Yes. But at the same time was I "too nurturing" (thus, A Pussy) when I refused to fire less-accomplished but still-willing employees? Absolutely. We need to cull the weaklings from the herd, you know. We don't want to live in William Kristol's "nanny-state." When sales guys threw a temper tantrum for not getting their way, I was told to be "more accommodating." When I got angry that the sales guys were abusing my employees or lying to our customers, I had to be "spoken to" about my "anger issues." But then, in my annual review, I was told I was "too pretty" and "too smart," which tended to antagonize the sales guys, so could I do something about that in time for next year's review?

Sure. I'll get right on that. Immediately.

Was I "thin enough"or "sexy enough" to keep my shallow boyfriends from wandering? No. They wandered anyway, even if I wore a Size Two dress and had mastered the best blow job techniques in the First, and probably Third, Worlds. Hillary is in big trouble because she's "too short" and has "big thighs" and wears pant suits all the time, along with tops that have "plunging necklines." And she still couldn't keep her husband from wandering now, could she?

Nancy Pelosi can't win either. Even though she has pissed me off for allowing more funding for the Iraq war and tabling impeachment of Cheney or Bush, I admit to being proud that there's a woman Speaker of the House. Just once I'd love to hear her say to her sexist detractors, "Yeah, you can lick my pearl necklace, bucko." Especially after all the derision she suffered for surrounding the podium with children when she was made Speaker. I mean, children, for God's sake, what politician in their right mind would ever do a photo op with children?

Once, I was declared "too much of a distraction to the men in the department" to get hired for a job I desperately needed. That happened in the Olden Days, when managers actually could tell you the truth about why they didn't hire you. I paid with joblessness for men's inability to keep their minds on the job and their dicks in their pants. Oh, if I just could have made myself unfuckable (and good luck defining what that means), I could have gotten the job.

Were Hillary and I fools enough to fall in love with charming men who, at the least disappointed us, or at the most, betrayed us? Yes. For me, several times. Which of course, brands me as "lacking in discernment." Did Hillary have the gonads to stick it out and make it work with Bill? Yes. Which is what Christian fundamentalists insist upon anyway, right? Well, I won't even begin to write about the judgments slapped upon her for that, or the lascivious slavering of right-wing blowhards who spent untold hours discussing the details, both in and out of the bedroom, of the resulting relationship. Meanwhile, Rudy Giuliani, with multiple marriages, mistresses and cross-dressings, who elevated his driver to police commissioner and millionaire-criminal-to-be, is a viable contender for the office of President. He has great discernment . . . oh, and gonads for sticking it out, without actually ever sticking around.

Meanwhile, me, Hillary, Nancy and the rest of we-unclean-who-must-be-cleansed, who have bled like stuck pigs for three days once a month without dying from it - are marked by the sure sign of the magikal, mystikal, witchy spawn o' the devil. It was Eve, of course, who brought evil (Eve...Ev-il) into paradise; Adam didn't have a thing to do with it. From before the beginning of time, it has been firmly established, that women need to be controlled and diminished, and put down at the first sign of creativity or having better ideas than the good ol' boys. Besides, somebody needs to put the dinner on the table.

I read an article this morning by Amanda Marcotte (another woman that got screwed out of a job by a fanatical fundamentalist perverse . . . uh, man) where she ponders giving up on Edwards and moving to Obama because of Edwards' sexist response to Hillary's tears.

Hey, John Edwards, how about if you gave the press this response:

Hillary Clinton is a human being, just like me and everyone else in this race. Campaigning is extremely hard work, and often exhausting and demoralizing. But one thing I know for sure, is that Hillary and all of the Democratic contenders are passionate about America, so winning is important, and any hint of loss can be devastating. At least she has the guts to cry in public. None of us guys have anywhere near the balls to do that.
I won't hold my breath.